Mixed feelings.

It’s been one of those busy weeks where A LOT has happened. 2nd april: I had never really believed that they had been tgt until she told me today. It was kinda shocking that a sensible girl like her wld ever go out with him but it is true. Oh wells. It is like he has used the same trick on everyone. He somehow adds them on friendster and then msn and then gets their handphone number and then starts msging and calling and makes them feel like they are that SPECIAL one then gets tired of them. I hadnt believed that such ppl existed until today. Neither did I believe that there were girls who existed who fell for such guys and still like them even after finding out abt their true self. She knows she is girl number three and yet… he has already started on girl number four and I have a feeling that I know her too just as I know all the other three…it is like she said that she did not want to lose their friendship even after they separate. Ltk wth. Today I was missing tanu like soo much again again coz it reminded me of the lack of sensible+smart+EXTREMELY mature friends I have in Aj. Tanu wld neva ever do such a stupid thing in her life. But as they say love is blind. Who knows I may be a victim too if the guy puts on a i–have-a-good-character façade. Anw, I had been feeling so sad that I wld have to go home with idiots again but malikka decided to stay back to help out so we went home tgt! Whee :D I think I told mal so many times that I am soooo happie that she is going home wif me that she started thinking that maybe I am a bit retarded and she did not hesitate to show it. Humph but that’s mal! Syf in 2 days’ time! 3rd april: we had to put nail polish today itself and I did one hand for kat but she didn’t like it and neither did other ppl. Kathi was like I have to go arnd singapore with it. I seriously got pissed as in it just nail polish and it was honestly not bad. Prash allowed me to do for her and said that it did not matter. Coz it is just a dance and it will be removed later on anw. It made me resolve to improve such ‘beautician skills’. Which previously I didn’t give a damn abt. today, during dance the leaders said such touching things that it really made me think. ‘ They were like tomorrow ppl when you guys wake up tomorrow, pls pray to god. Ask him to give you the strength and clarity of mind to do well tomorrow. Pls do not be arrogant thinking that you are Aj and you all have practised so much that you will never make any mistakes. Surrender to god and be humble coz even the most graceful dancers may make mistkes. Humility is very important.’ And the conviction with which they said it was amazing. i will blog abt this in greater detail some other time. I have to have faith that everything will go well tomorrow. You know there was this practice when they danced in the Aj square and after we finished dancing, it started to rain! And today morning when shini went to the temple and said 'maarai anderson' and started praying, it started to rain! Anws, malikka followed me home again. And she reminded me that I haveta smile and I promised that tomorrow I will smile so much that it is going to blind the nus-ucc hall. Heehee. Anw, I realised I wasn’t really feeling any apprehension or anitin. Shrugs. Mal and I just decided to practise the nannare song. we did it twice and the second time it ended exactly when the doors opened at bukit batok. Funnn! I dun care if we looked weird on the train. :P guess wat happened to mal at J.E? an indian woman came up to her and asked her if she was from aj tldds. (we were in aj uniform) she was lyk yeah. Then the woman said I was from aj tl 4 years ago too! I am glad to see the aj spirit still living on. wahahahaha anw, while walking home, I called ankita as I was waliking home to tell her that I needed her help since I wouldn’t be attending lessons. And I ended up missing tanu a lot again coz it reminded me of the times when tanu wld call on the way home and talk to me.. Syf tomorrow! all the best to those dancing.. aj dancers and esp monica and prasanthi. 4th april: I will just accelerate to the time when we got off the bus at the ucc hall. I called ma to tell her I had reached. First other school I saw was tjc. And I immediately looked for prasanthi. I recognized her despite the fact that she was in costume and make up. No one else can walk like her. It was so cool to see her. Then we all had to fall at mr girish’s feet and he blessed us and then we hadta say ‘vetri’ which means victory in tamil. After that I hugged all the other 24 individuals with whom at that moment we were one. and we wished each other all the best. We have all come so far tgt – made new frenz- settled all sorts of disputes amongst ourselves and can proudly claim to be the syf 2007 batch of aj tldds. Anw, I prasanthi and I were like rock on Before we separated. All the syf dancers sat in a circle again and we had the last prep talk that we wld ever have. 4 months of hard work all boils down to just 6 mins and 28 secs. They said that if you feel like dying, then jump the highest & bend the most blah blah… and shini nearly made me cry when she told me that I must do my best and she said that despite all those times when she scolded she still likes me and has faith in me. Special mention to ahshiba...she sent me a msg assuring me that altho she couldnt be there at ucc to supprot me.. she said that she was behind me 100% and told me to do my best and show everione who i was.. love ya ashi and thankx for making aj enjoyable..anw then we went on to backstage. The dance then went well. Sad that I couldn’t stay on to watch tj’s dance. anw went up to the gallery wher prasanthi joined me soon after. Kissed each other on the cheek and just caught up on each other’s lives. Then we went down to see my parents. They said Aj’s dance was really good. I saw praba and banu today and sonia and latha too! Then prasanthi and I went down to the foyer where we saw ac!!!! Monica was there!!! Gosh. And then I saw nj and met the crescent-nj ppl and saw priyaa!! But I noticed that she kept on glancing at the ‘undesirable character’. Took lots of pics! It was realli cool. A woman breaking out of her shell? With monica Don't we look pretty? Reunited after so long.. But sadly I had to leave and couldn’t even say bye to everyone properly… :( I know I am going to miss syf a lott! All those practices and the ppl and meeting up as a team. Priceless. Despite those few unhappy moments and having to deal with some unpleasant ppl. and guess what after we leeft the stage and went out, we saw it was raining!! unbelievable! miracles! and when we got on the bus to leave, it stopped raining!!!And oh upon reaching aj, I realised I had lost a skirt and shoes. I was like how the hell am I going to get home. Luckily munirah’s sis told me to go to the G.o. gosh life saver. Anw, today they broke up. Ohh 5th april: Happy birthday doven!!! Love u lots babe and hopefully we will be able to meet up soon!! ;D yup so at 10.45 I went up to maths tutorial. mr quek told me oh you guys got gold. I got a shock! We shld have got gold with honours!! I was sooo sad. Anki was like don’t worry he may not be correct. But it turned out to true. And u know why we got gold and not gold with honours? Because he teaches 4 schools and only 2 out of those 4 schools can get gold with honours. Wtfh. It is unfair! So nj and bbss got it. I feel so damn sad. It is like we keep on missing things by just a bit. Even the rj drama competition. We bagged 3 out of the 4 awards and only 2 were given to us since Aj cannot get all the majority like what the shit. And when my parents heard it, they started saying it was all my fault coz it seems I took very long to ask whether I cld bring them to them to watch the syf dance and since I said dun bring my relatives, they said such bad luck happened. I got a headache. I seriously dunno wat to think. My parents talk such stuff half the time and make me very confused. How does whatever the said have ANYTHING to do with getting gold and not gold with honours? I just pray hard that we will win the national debates and bring back aj's reputation. हमने सुबह और घर आते समय बात की। में बहुत खुश हूँ । में इस मौका फिर नही जाने दूंगी। हमने tl exco के बारे में बात की। पता नही भरोसा करु या नही। I did the test from tanu’s blog It said this. You are a very emotional and sensitive individual. Your life and love of life is dominated by your emotions - you have great feeling towards your fellow man and you are always full of enthusiasm but be careful, you tend to let your heart rule your head and this being so, you could be easily hurt - as perhaps you may have indeed been hurt in the past.All of your dreams and hopes have not materialised and consequently you are unsure of which way to go. This uncertainty has led to considerable stress but you have sufficient 'strength of mind' to overcome this state of affairs although it will take some time.It is amazing that you yourself believe that old 'adage' that you are a misunderstood person - and you feel that because of this you are being left out in the cold. It is because of this lack of believed understanding that you feel the need to conform to society in general - but this situation leaves you 'cold' knowing that you are not appreciated for your true self. Any relationship that you are developing at this time does not seem to involve any true emotional commitment, you seem to be just playing along.Whatever you strive to do, something always seems to be holding you back. There is no subterfuge in you. You are a clear thinker and all you demand from life, in a relationship, is a partner whom you can trust and with whom you can, together, develop a foundation of trust based on understanding. You are your own person and you demand freedom of thought to follow your own convictions. You have no interest in 'two-timing' and all you seek is sincerity and 'straight-dealing'.You need to be needed and would like a situation where you will no longer be subjected to pressures and demands from those about you. There is no harm in 'dreaming' but it is you - and only you - that can be able to realise those dreams and to turn them into reality. Perfectly true most of it. So where do I go from here? What steps am I going to take to take control of my future? who can i trust? 6th april। Today my relatives came over. At first I was a bit sulky coz I am usually at a loss of what to say to 5-7 year olds and the aunty(sindhu aunty’s mum)who came neva once talked to me! But I enjoyed it in the end as always coz I really like sindu aunty and snigdha lots and kushal is a nicee guy! The trick to click with snigdha and kushal? Play ball and cricket! Lovee :) and this is a bloody long effing post.if you've reached upto here.hats off to you mate :D*